


Never Have I Ever

by guiltyreasons



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Awkward First Times, Bi-Curiosity, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Bisexual Male Character, Drinking, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:15:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24844402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guiltyreasons/pseuds/guiltyreasons
Summary: Buck uses a game of Never Have I Ever as a chance to come out as bisexual. Eddie has an unexpected reaction.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 619





	Never Have I Ever

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first buddie fic. I’m really excited to get to post this. I want to thank everyone at the Buddie discord for the inspiration and resources.
> 
> Special thanks to [ToughPaperRound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToughPaperRound/) for finding every time I misspelt Eddie and in general for the great beta work.

“This is so stupid,” Buck blurted out as he took another sip of his beer. He held up one hand with three fingers extended upwards. 

“You wanted something to do before the movie started,” Chim reminded him, holding up six of his own fingers.

“Never have I ever between close friends is just too on the nose,” Hen said, down to her last two digits. 

“Amen,” Buck agreed. The last ‘never had I ever’ was that they hadn’t had sex in a fire truck. Before that it had been that they had never had sex with a girl who owned a snake. It wasn’t fair. They knew everything about him. Well, besides Eddie who had to be given all the details afterwards and then ridiculed his best friend. 

“Right? Let’s try and be more vague,” Maddie suggested, holding up a five fingers, “Try not to use insider knowledge.”

“Believe that when I see it,” Eddie said as he casually nursed his coke. He was the designated driver because he had Chrisopher tomorrow and didn’t want to be hung over at the zoo. He still was playing the game, only the stakes were less important. It was mostly to tease each other anyways. Buck couldn’t help but notice, Eddie had nine fingers up. That was so not fair. A shame it wasn’t his turn yet as he was going to pull out that he’d never been in a fight club.

“Fine,” Hen agreed and then thought for a moment as if seriously considering something new, “Never have I ever kissed a man-”

“Woah,” Chim broke in.

“Romantically. I’m very aware of the Christmas party where you pecked me on the lips under the mistletoe, Chim. I mean like...a kiss with real chemistry behind it,” Hen said. 

Eyes went over to Maddie who giggled, taking her sip of beer and putting down a finger before saying, “So much for not being pointed.”

Buck’s heart was pounding in his ears and his breath came out in shallow pants he hoped no one noticed. Should he lie? He could lie. No one had to know. Well, Maddie already did and she was giving him a discreet look. It wasn't encouraging or pushing but had a little smile of understanding. Once she’d asked if any of the 118 knew he was bi. They didn’t. It wasn’t something he was hiding, but it hadn’t come up. It was the perfect opening to finally be fully honest. It wouldn’t be weird. They were a totally accepting bunch.

Without flourish, Buck dropped one of his own fingers and took a sip of his beer. 

Silence. There was utter silence.

“Holy shit,” Chim said and Buck turned to him. Chim looked shocked, but not in a bad way.

“What?” Buck asked as if it wasn’t a big reveal. It so was. 

“You’re bi,” Hen said and held up a hand. Buck high fived her, finally able to smile a bit, “Congrats on coming out. Took you long enough.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Eddie asked, his face unreadable, his voice holding some tension. 

Buck’s stomach dropped. Shit. 

“It wasn’t that I didn’t, it just hadn’t come up,” Buck defended, his voice breaking. Maybe he could have brought it up. He could have said a guy was hot on TV or mentioned a male hook-up. Maybe he’d been scared, because they had all thought he was a nymphomaniac when they first met him. He worried that if they knew he swung both ways it would make it worse. It wouldn’t be the first time someone thought he was a whore for being bisexual. 

“You should have told us,” Chim said in a much more accepting tone, “We wouldn’t have cared.”

“I should have, but I didn’t for so long that it felt awkward. How do you shoehorn that into a conversation? By the way, I like guys too and pass the salad,” Buck said with a shrug. 

“I’m glad you did,” Hen said with a big smile, “At least I know I’m not the only one waving that rainbow flag around here.”

“Hey, total ally here,” Chim said.

Eddie put his coke on the table and stood up, breaking up the conversation. He took out his phone and checked the time.

“We should be heading out. Movie starts in half an hour and I want to get good seats,” he said, heading towards the door and grabbing his coat. Buck watched after him with his heart in his throat. Was that more aggressive than normal? No one else seemed to notice anything.

Buck stood up and went to retrieve his own jacket. Maddie came up beside him and gave him a side hug. 

“Proud of you,” she said and kissed his cheek. He might be full grown now, but he always felt six when she did that. It wasn't a bad thing. It was nice to remember how she’d always made him feel loved and safe. 

“It’s not a big deal,” Buck said trying to put some bravado into it, but not trying very hard, since he knew Maddie would see through it. 

They all rushed out of the door to where Eddie was already waiting by the car. Nothing felt different. 

\----------

Being best friends with someone meant knowing their tells. Most of the time it was a good thing. It helped Buck know when to push on a topic and where to let go. It helped him to know when Eddie was hungry or needed to be nudged towards a nap. It was mostly a good thing, until now. All of a sudden it made him paranoid when he got what others would consider an innocent text.

No. I’m good.

He’d asked if Eddie wanted his regular drink. Eddie’s favorite coffee shop was on Buck’s way to the station. He stopped there every morning and got a perfectly blended mocha with skim milk. Buck got his own lower quality latte and was happy to do it. Eddie had said no a total of two times. Once when he was out getting a morning coffee with Shannon and another time when his stomach had been upset, and both times he had explained his rejection. This time he hadn’t. It was different, and it put Buck on edge. It shouldn’t. It was silly, but it felt wrong.

Buck parked in his usual spot outside the firehouse and went inside, single coffee in hand. 

“Morning, Eddie,” Buck said as he came up behind Eddie who was bending over to put on his boots. 

Eddie shot up and stumbled away from him. Eddie’s back hit the wall and his mouth hung half open.

“You ok?” Buck asked with obvious concern.

“Yeah, fine,” Eddie said. He straightened his shirt and refused to look anywhere close to Buck.

“You sure?” Buck asked again. He took a step and tilted his head forward to see if Eddie’s pupils were normal. Maybe he'd hit his head.

Eddie flinched and turned his whole body away. He was half way out the door before calling back, “Fine.”

Buck watched him go with his brow furrowed. That was really weird. He’d never seen Eddie like that, he was almost skittish. 

“Shit,” Buck breathed out and crossed his arms across his chest. Was Eddie freaking out because Buck had come out?

Their whole friendship played across his mind. Buck had never crossed a line. He was sure of it. The hugs were always at Eddie’s comfort level, they were as long or as short as his friend needed. He never checked him out in the shower. Sure he’d seen things, but he’d never gawked. Never complimented him in any way that sounded like flirting. He complimented a new haircut , but not gushed over. No matter how good Eddie looked with a little extra fluff in the front. Never told him how good he looked shirtless or touched him too long. 

Not that Eddie would know, but Buck had never even jacked off thinking about him. That just felt too much like Buck 1.0. He respected Eddie. Eddie was straight and that was okay, Buck had always wanted a best friend like him. No one had ever known Buck this well and still liked him. He loved being an uncle to Christopher and being with his Diaz boys was the best part of his life.

Sure, there had been some days where going home broke his heart. How he’d wished he could be the one to fill the hole that was in Eddie’s heart. He wanted to heal up all the damage the world had done and show Eddie how good relationships could be. He wanted to be able to dote on someone like Abby had never really needed. 

Still, it wasn’t to be and Buck understood that. Did Eddie not? Was their whole friendship now suspect? Did Eddie think Buck had been wiggling his way into their lives to try and sleep with Eddie? The thought made his stomach twist. 

“Buck,” Chim said as he came over to the lockers.

“Yea?” Buck said, his voice cracking. 

“You good?” Chim asked. 

Buck forced himself to nod and turn to his locker.

——

The first call was fine. The moment they were on the truck it felt like normal again. Eddie made eye contact and smiled. They even chatted about the zoo and Eddie showed him a few pictures, but it still felt stiff. Buck wasn’t sure if he was projecting or there was something behind it.

Once back at the firehouse, Eddie bolted. Buck could not find him while casually walking around, totally not searching for his buddy. Defeated, Buck decided to sit on the couch and focus on his phone. 

Rinse and repeat for the rest of the shift. The calls were normal. As always they made an amazing team and in front of the rest of the crew Eddie was normal as could be. The moment they were back, Eddie disappeared or was immersed in conversation with anyone else.

At the end of the shift Eddie was gone before Buck even got the chance to say goodbye. 

Buck resolved to act like nothing had happened. If Eddie didn’t tell him anything, then he didn’t know anything. He went home determined to act like nothing was going on.

He texted Eddie like he always did. He texted that he got home safe. He texted that he was watching Swamp People and mocked Eddie’s reluctance to watch reality tv. He texted him how his dinner had burned because he turned the oven up too high. He texted him he was going to bed. He texted him goodnight.

Eddie never texted back.

Buck stared at the row of his own texts and reread them. He scrolled back to the texts a day before and they looked the same, only with Eddie talking back to him. He’d even gotten a selfie of Christopher sleeping on Eddie’s chest during a movie the kid had insisted he was awake enough to watch. 

Buck felt tears prick at his eyes and put his phone down. 

It was down for a total of ten seconds. 

He called Maddie. 

“Hey, it’s late, what’s up?” Maddie answered, sounding concerned.

“Is Chim there?” Buck asked as he worried his lip between his teeth.

“No,” Maddie answered, “Why?”

“It’s just...I’m being stupid…I don’t want it getting to the rest of the crew,” Buck said.

“Buck,” Maddie said carefully.

“I think Eddie hates me,” Buck said and the words sounded stupid the second they were out of his mouth. 

“Why?” Maddie asked with a little laugh.

“Because I didn’t tell him I liked guys too,” Buck explained.

Maddie chuckled a bit. It wasn’t comforting.

“Eddie won’t care. He’d never cared about Hen or Michael. Why would you bother him?” Maddie asked.

“Today was weird. He acted like I wasn’t there between calls and just was jumpy around me. I think he thinks I have a crush on him,” Buck said, wondering if he wasn’t imagining it.

“Don’t you?” Maddie asked.

“Kinda, sort of, but no. That doesn’t matter. I would never do anything inappropriate,” Buck said, not sure how to explain it. It was like having a hot female friend who was married. Sure the attraction was there, but it wasn’t an option so he didn’t focus on it. There were other parts of the relationship that were way more important.

“Maybe he was having an off day. Maybe you’re projecting your worries onto him. You expected him to act differently so you thought he was,” Maddie said. 

“Maybe,” he said, feeling slightly better.

“Go so sleep, Buck,” Maddie said full of affection. 

“Goodnight, Maddie,” Buck said, hanging up. He put the phone on the charger and put his head back. He did note that Eddie hadn’t texted him goodnight, but didn’t linger on it. 

————

The next morning was better, since Eddie didn’t run from him. He said hi, but didn’t make eye contact. Buck acted like he didn’t notice and yammered on about the latest baseball game he’d watched. He ignored that Eddie only responded when asked direct questions. 

It was a twenty-four hour shift and Buck didn’t want to spend the whole time freaking out about Eddie’s sudden muteness. 

Maybe Eddie was a bit uncomfortable with Buck’s sexuality. They had known each other for years and it was different. Buck should have been more honest, that was his bad. Eddie might just need time to adjust. 

At least on calls Eddie was back to normal. They ended up at a house fire that spread to three separate buildings, it was a long grueling process getting everyone out and the fire under control.

Eddie had caught him when Buck had almost fallen out of a window trying to pass a child to Bobby. It hadn’t felt awkward at all when Eddie wrapped his body around Buck’s and pulled him back. Covered in ash and encased in smoke, they both had been able to get out safely. After that it had been lots of holding a fire hose and controlling the spread. The wind had been a real challenge and kept threatening to make a bad situation worse.

It was a mercy when they all got off the truck, hours later.

“Good job everyone. Hit the showers and try to get a few minutes of shut-eye. You’ve earned it,” Bobby said patting each of them on the back.

Buck did as he was told. Completely on automatic, he showered off the soot and sweat he’d collected over the last three hour, he then dried off, dressing in a new set of work clothes. 

He closed the blackout curtains and took one of the bottom bunks. He curled up into the blankets and was instantly asleep in the dark room. 

He wasn’t sure what woke him up, but it was a gentle sensation, not the cry of an alarm or someone nudging him. Instead, it was the uncanny feeling of being watched. He cracked an eye open and saw a figure over his bed.

A tall man was looming over him. He was dressed in a tight black shirt and work slacks. As Buck’s eyes focused he saw a familiar jawline and intense brown eyes. He didn’t do anything for a moment, just laid there wondering if he was dreaming. There was a look on his face that Buck couldn’t name, something filled with confusion and trepidation. 

“Eddie?” Buck asked in a gentle whisper. He didn’t want to scare him off.

A shame it did exactly that. Eddie was gone like he’d never been there. It was only the sound of his boots going down the stairs that told Buck it hadn’t all been a dream. 

He sat up, rubbing his face with his hands. What the hell? 

Do you know what? Fuck it. Buck wasn’t going to let Eddie control him like this. Eddie didn’t want to be friends? So be it. Whatever. The way Eddie had looked at him it was like he hadn’t known him at all, like Buck was a stranger. He thought their friendship was stronger than that, but once again he’d been wrong. So wrong.

——

Buck didn’t text Eddie when he got home, He didn’t discuss his TV shows with him. He didn’t ask how Christopher’s day had gone. He didn’t text him goodnight even if he whispered it to thin air. 

Things changed after that. They were great teammates. They had each other’s back on calls. They greeted and were polite when needed. They sat at different sides of the dinner table. They didn’t talk after work. It was like they had come to a silent agreement to forget they had ever been inseparable.

It broke Buck. It made him feel dirty, thrown away and worthless. He wondered if all his hook ups had felt like that. Was this karma reminding him that he’d been a bit of a user at one point? Maybe he deserved this. 

It was a week of that. A week of shallow conversations and with absolutely no contact outside of work. The team knew something was up, but no one had directly asked. It was a blessing. Buck couldn’t explain it and he doubted Eddie would be honest about it. 

It was Buck’s day off. He was at home doing some housework, just to keep himself busy. Last night should have been movie night with Eddie and Christopher, but he hadn’t gone. He hadn’t talked to Eddie about not showing up, but the radio silence he was getting from his texts made him certain that wasn’t an option anymore. 

Buck was doing the dishes when his phone rang. He wiped off his hands and picked it up, almost swallowing his tongue when he saw the caller's ID.

Eddie’s face smiled at him from his home screen. Buck’s heart sank into his stomach. So, they were finally going to talk about everything, end everything officially. Buck took a deep breath and answered.

“Yea?” Buck answered.

“Buck,” Christopher said.

“Christopher?” Buck asked. The kid didn't have his own phone yet, so he must have taken his dad’s and broken into it somehow. Maybe Eddie had left it open. 

Christopher sniffled and Buck could hear him crying now.

“Are you mad at me?” Christopher asked.

“No. No, I could never be mad at you, kiddo,” Buck assured him.

“You didn’t come last night. Dad said you were busy but...but you’re never too busy. You haven’t called all week,” he said, getting more and more upset.

“I was busy. I had...I had….” Buck said hating even the idea of lying to the kid, “Adult stuff to do in the morning. I couldn’t stay up late. I’m really sorry.”

“Will you see me soon?” Christopher asked with a sense of desperation. 

“I don’t know…” he said, closing his eyes. He’d been dreading this, knowing he’d have to let go of Christopher was harder than letting go of Eddie. That kid was the best thing Buck had in his life. Sure, it was his best friend's kid, but he loved him.

“Christopher! Who are you talking to?” Eddie said in the distance. The phone shuffled around and Eddie must be taking it away. 

Buck hung up. He felt like a coward. He was a coward. He’d been just letting this all happen, while he’d been sitting on the sidelines and letting Eddie treat him however he wanted without even asking for an explanation. Why? Because he was scared of the answer.

The sound of Christoper’s sniffles ushered him towards the door. He grabbed his coat and left with a purpose. He got into the car and drove to Eddie’s. The path was familiar and bittersweet. He doubted he’d ever have a reason to follow this route again. 

He parked in their driveway and got out. He didn’t want to look angry or hurt. He did his best to come off as calm in case Christopher was there. He would likely be there and he’d hug Buck. It’d break him all over again and he wondered why he deserved that kind of pain. 

He knocked on the door, his heart in his hands. It took a moment for someone to answer; he listened to the approaching footsteps and knew they were too heavy to be a child’s. 

Eddie opened the door and then stepped back, his face blank upon seeing Buck. Buck knew that defensive expression was meant to hide his negative feelings. He knew every face Eddie made because they were supposed to be best friends.

“Is Christopher here?” Buck asked, feeling like a kid looking for his playmate after school. A kid whose parent didn’t like him at all. 

“No. He just left with Carla. They're going to her husband’s birthday party,” Eddie explained. 

Buck stood there, not sure what to do now. He felt like he was looking at a stranger. Eddie was staring at the ground, his jaw tense and his arms crossed. Buck had never felt so unwelcome here. 

“Listen,” Buck said, hearing himself as if from a distance, “We need to talk. I get it if you want to ditch me, but it’s hurting Christopher. He thinks I hate him. No matter what is going on between us, I never want that kid to think I hate him.” 

“I don’t either,” Eddie said, his voice soft, barely a whisper. 

“What?” Buck asked, confused as hell.

Eddie backed up further, but Buck didn’t follow him. He stood outside the threshold of his second home. He hadn’t been invited in. He didn’t used to need to be asked in.

There was silence. Goddamn the silence. It just made Buck angry now.

“At least say it to my face,” Buck found himself saying.

“What?” Eddie asked, finally looking up at him.

“Say you can’t handle your best friend being into guys. Say it freaks you out. Say we’re done,” Buck demanded as the anger surfaced. 

“That’s not... Buck,” Eddie said falling against the wall and putting his hands over his face.

“It’s not? Because ever since that night you’ve been acting like I’m a pariah,” Buck told him.

“I swear to god it’s not about that,” Eddie insisted, but gave no other reason.

“RIght, because I come out and you back off the next day. Big consequence there, right? Just so happened you dropped me at the same time as you learned something new about me? Weird,” Buck said, rage filling his lungs. No, Eddie didn’t get to deny this anymore. If Buck was going to hurt this much he wanted a name for it.

“Please…” Eddie said as if asking him to back off.

“No! I'm done. You don’t talk to me. You pretend you don’t see me when we pass in the hall. You don’t laugh at anything I say anymore. You hate me for lying to you. For hiding something so damaging to our friendship you can’t even-“

“Buck!” Eddie screamed over his rant and then added in one quick breath, “I had a sex dream about you.”

Buck’s brain stopped. He deflated like a balloon and felt like gravity wasn’t working right.

“What?” Buck asked.

Eddie retreated back into his house and this time Buck followed. He shut the door behind him. His brain couldn’t comprehend what he had heard.

“You had a…” Buck started, but couldn’t even finish.

“Yup,” Eddie said, turning away and staring at the kitchen counter like he was planning to remodel it.

So Eddie had had a naughty dream about him? Buck wasn’t sure how to take that. It was flattering. It just didn’t explain why Eddie had been acting so weird.

“Do you always ignore your friends you’ve had... hot dreams about?” Buck asked.

“First time actually,” Eddie said sitting down on his couch. He put his head into his hands and let out a long sigh.

Buck didn't know what to do with himself. He felt like he was looming over a very vulnerable Eddie so he sat down, criss cross applesauce a few feet from him. 

“That was after I came out?” Buck asked just for a place to start.

“That night,” Eddie admitted. 

“But I don’t get it. Why did that make you ignore me? Avoid me?”

Eddie leaned back, putting his head on the back of the couch. He stared at the ceiling for a while, his breaths slowing and his hands clenching at his pant legs. 

“Don’t you get it? I thought about it ages ago. We text all the time. You come over on our days off. You are the first adult I talk to in the morning, the last I talk to when I go to bed. You love Christopher. You give us your all. You damn near co-parent with me. You are everywhere in this house. We’ve got your favorite cereal and extra blanket on the couch so you can stay over. Buck, we’re practically dating. The only thing missing is the…..”

“Sex,” Buck finished for him. Eddie nodded.

Silence filled the room again. Buck saw it now. They were close, maybe closer than even best friends were supposed to be. He’d never had one before so he hadn’t known. He’d been crossing lines he couldn’t even see. He hadn’t meant to be so invasive and had no idea that it was unwanted.

“I thought if I stepped back things would go back to how they were. If I could just...put some distance then…”

“You could have a normal life, again,” Buck said bitterly. It wasn’t normal to be this close to someone. To work with them, to be so close to their kid and to be so ingrained in their life. It wasn’t something Eddie wanted.

“You don’t get it,” Eddie said, still staring up. 

“Then help me understand,” Buck insisted.

“I liked it,” Eddie said after a long moment.

“Being friends?” Buck asked. It was the only thing that made sense.

“The dream,” Eddie said.

Buck’s blood ran cold. Eddie had enjoyed a sex dream about him. Straight as an arrow Eddie had gotten off to the idea of being with him? His extremely hot best friend who had the best kid in the world might want him? No way. 

“But you only like girls,” Buck reminded them both.

“Yup,” Eddie said, “Which makes wanting to kiss you all the time really confusing.

Buck couldn’t help smiling at that.

“You do?” Buck asked.

“Ever since the dream. Ever since I found out it was possible. It was so easy when it wasn’t,” Eddie said to the sky.

“I didn’t know. I thought you were mad at me for not telling you. I thought-"

“Never. Not for a second. This has been all me. I just didn’t know what to do with this...feeling,” he said, finally sitting up. He leaned forward and forced himself to meet Buck’s eyes.

“You don’t have to do anything. If it makes you uncomfortable we can ignore it. I just want us back,” Buck said, hoping Eddie would understand.

“Is that what you want?” Eddie asked, his eyes searching Buck’s.

Buck’s heart skipped a bit. He’d denied himself too long. He’d refused to look at those full lips and think anything suggestive. He looked now and watched that tongue drag across them in a new light.

“I just want to make you happy,” Buck told him with a heavy sigh, “I’d do anything for you.”

“I’m scared to touch you,” Eddie told him.

“Why?” Buck asked, unable to read the look on his face.

“I don’t know if I’ll like it. I don’t know what to do if I do,” Eddie said. 

Buck had never known Eddie to be scared of anything.

“Then you don’t have to,” Buck assured him. 

“I can’t be near you without wanting to touch you. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you,” Eddie told him. 

None of this seemed right. Eddie had never been this way. Eddie was straight. Buck was sure of it. As much as he’d wanted things to be different, they weren’t. Even if they kissed and Eddie liked it, that wasn’t all there was. Eddie wouldn’t want to sleep with him. Buck didn’t want to be in a sexless relationship forever. He needed to be everything a lover wanted. He couldn’t do that for Eddie. No sex dream and a week of awkwardly thinking of kissing his best friend could change that core fact. 

Buck stood up and took off his shoes. A thought had hit him and he knew it would work. His heart was in his throat, the anticipation of rejection making him nauseous. But he had to do this, for Eddie. 

“Then don’t touch me. Just look at me,” Buck said as he gracelessly slipped out of his socks. He tossed his shirt over his head.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asked, his cheeks a vibrant red. He turned away as Buck undid his belt.

Buck let his belt and his pants fall to the ground. He stepped out of them and then pushed his boxers down, then away. He knew he was attractive. His abs were defined, his shoulders were broad and his hip bones dipped just right. Buck was a hot guy, but he was definitely a guy. His flaccid cock nestled in between his legs proved that undeniably. 

“Look at me, Eddie. This is what I can offer you, all I can offer. I am what I am. I can’t change that. I don’t want to change any of this. It’ll never be what you want and that’s why it wouldn’t work,” Buck said, his voice breaking. He felt more exposed than he had in his whole life. Eddie still wasn’t looking at him. 

“Eddie,” Buck pleaded. 

Eddie swung his head back and forth before raising it. He met Buck’s eyes and then trailed a slow path down his body. Buck ignored the need to cover himself. He kept his hands on his hips and his head held proud. He had nothing to be ashamed of. Even as Eddie’s eyes lingered on his midsection he didn’t flinch. 

“You don’t get to decide how I feel,” Eddie told him.

Buck’s brow came together and he tilted his head. 

“You can’t tell me what I want,” Eddie said, meeting Buck’s gaze. His eyes were dark and deep, so deep Buck could get lost in them. 

“I can’t?” Buck asked.

Eddie shook his head. His eyes were racing over Buck’s body again. It didn’t feel scientific. It felt heated and Buck felt his cock stir.

“You are so beautiful,” Eddie said, standing up just a foot from him.

“Eddie,” Buck said, backing up a step. No, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

“Do you even...I mean just because you’re bi doesn’t mean..I never stopped to think…” Eddie said, stepping back as well. Buck came out of his shock long enough to realize what Eddie was saying.

“I’m attracted to you, if that’s what you’re asking. Always was, but I respect you. That had nothing to do with our friendship. That never changed how I treated you, please believe me,” Buck explained. 

“I know. I never doubted that. You’re not like that,” Eddie said closing the distance between them. HIs eyes were focused on Buck’s lips.

After years of telling himself not to see Eddie as sexy it was suddenly impossible. The hint of stubble, the dark brown eyes, the slightly pouty lips were all too much. This couldn’t be happening. He never got this lucky. Things didn’t work out like this for Buck. 

“Could I meet Buck 1.0? I heard a lot of good things about him the other night,” Eddie asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

Buck pulled back.

“You want anonymous sex Buck?” Buck asked, tears stinging at his eyes. Well here came the disappointment. 

Eddie laughed.

“No, I meant... confident, sex-machine, Buck. I feel like I might need some instruction here,” Eddie said, putting his hand on Buck’s cheek. Buck leaned into it and wiped his lips against the rough flesh of his palm.

“Buck 2.0 can give you that too. He can also give you pancakes first thing in the morning. He can help with Christopher. He can move in and be part of your family,” Buck said, asking for everything he wanted. It was all or nothing. It had to be. Just the idea of it only being for sex made him hurt worse than having a fire truck land on his leg. 

“Buck 2.0 is sounding pretty good right about now,” Eddie said, leaning in and capturing his lips. 

This was not how he’d pictured their first kiss. Eddie’s hands were on his bare hips and Buck’s naked thighs were pressed against rough denim. He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s torso pressing himself against the flannel wishing it was skin. 

The kiss was gentle, more emotional than passionate. Which was just weird when one of them was completely naked. 

“Do you like it?” Buck whispered against Eddie’s lips.

“So much,” Eddie said, running his hands up and down Buck’s back. Buck groaned and wished he still had his jeans on to cover his reaction. It only got worse when Eddie’s hands went down and grabbed his ass. 

“This is going to go somewhere if we don’t stop,” Buck warned him. 

“Oh,” Eddie said, not giving any direction. Buck wasn’t sure how to take it. 

“How was I? In your dream?” Buck asked, still close enough to feel Eddie’s breath on his lips. 

“This is better,” Eddie said, nibbling at Buck’s lip as if just realizing he could. Buck groaned and rutted up against Eddie’s leg. Through his jeans he could feel a hard, unmissable lump. 

“Oh shit,” he said, realizing this was real. Eddie was with him, wanted him. He tugged at Eddie’s shirt. “Off.”

Eddie pulled back, stepping out of his socks. He tossed his shirt and undershirt away. He undid his belt and then took off his jeans. Bastard was going commando and it was so sexy Buck groaned. He was so glad he hadn’t known that until right now. Eddie was half hard, longer and thicker than Buck had ever seen him. His mouth watered. Eddie was his. Every beautiful muscle, every hint of a freckle or a scar, every inch was open to Buck right now.

“Since we’re letting this happen,” Buck said, sauntering over him all full of macho sensualism, “Can I blow you?”

Eddie lost his composure there. He spluttered, then giggled, and he put his hands over his face as if he was embarrassed.

“No one has ever looked that eager before,” Eddie said, which wasn’t a no. 

“I am,” Buck said, running a hand over Eddie’s arm. He hoped he hadn’t changed his mind, but he could still walk away if needed. As long as Eddie was his best friend he’d be okay.

“Yes,” Eddie said biting his lip. It was sinfully delicious to watch. 

Buck fell to his knees. He never imagined how good this would feel. It made the present so much more alive. Buck wasn’t good at a lot of things, but he was damn good at sex. Now he’d get to give that to Eddie. 

Eddie’s cock was hard against his stomach. It was flattering and pushed down some of Buck’s doubts. His hands went up and down Eddie’s thighs feeling the tight muscle. He open-mouth kissed that beautiful hip bone and used it as a guide down to his dark curls. He took Eddie’s cock in hand and downed it. 

It had been a while and he choked. Fucking embarrassing. 

“You ok?” Eddie asked as Buck sputtered and coughed. 

“Just been a while-“ he said then froze as Eddie ran his hands through Buck's hair. He looked up and saw so much love in Eddie’s eyes. No one, not even Abby, had looked at him like that. 

Tears pricked at his eyes and he went back to his task to cover it. He tried again, just wrapping his lips halfway down. Eddie moaned for him and it was so sexy. He watched Eddie’s face and saw Eddie watching him. Eddie’s fingers touched his cheek and his mouth hung slightly open. 

Buck was so hard it hurt. He pressed the heel of his hand against his shaft to get some relief. 

He bobbed his head a few times and Eddie lost it. His head fell back and he groaned, hips thrusting further into Buck’s mouth. Buck let him. He used his hand on what he couldn’t swallow. He’d have to practice soon. He’d have a good reason too. He hoped he got to do this every day, that he could wake Eddie up like this. He wanted that so bad it hurt. 

Eddie pulled his hair and Buck almost came. He moaned and Eddie thrust into his mouth again. Buck went faster, lips and tongue caressing head and shaft as he sped up. 

“Buck stop?” Eddie cried out. 

Buck did, pulling back and stopped touching him completely. Consent was a big thing and if Eddie didn’t want this Buck wouldn’t do it. Damnit. He thought things were going so well. He shut his eyes, clenched his jaw. 

Eddie reached down and gave himself a few desperate tugs. Something wet and warm hit Buck’s face. He opened his eyes and watched the last moments of Eddie's orgasm. The mess was dripping from Buck’s face and he couldn’t breathe; he was so turned on. 

Buck’s legs gave out and he fell against the wall. Eddie came back to the moment and he squatted down by Buck. 

“Buck,” he said, his brows drawn together, “I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want to… in your mouth…”

Buck wanted to comfort him. Eddie had nothing to worry about. That was so incredibly hot that Buck’s brain wasn’t functioning. He made a strangled sound and stared at Eddie. 

Mindlessly, his hand went between his legs and despite Eddie watching he started jerking off. Eddie sat on his knees and leaned over him. He put his hand on Buck's chest and worked his way down. Eddie replaced Buck's hand with his own. 

“Eddie,” Buck said, putting a hand on Eddie’s arm. Eddie leaned over and kissed him again. He was so aware of the cum on his face and how Eddie didn’t care. Sex-possessed Eddie was becoming his new favorite thing. 

Eddie’s motions were clumsy and he didn’t know the tricks Buck liked. It didn’t matter. It was Eddie. Eddie was touching his cock. He was already close and just the thought made him orgasm. 

Eddie kissed him as he made desperate noises and spasmed from the intensity of it. 

Once he was done Eddie stood up. He walked away and Buck thought he might be getting a towel. Buck was covered in cooling bodily fluids and he’d appreciate that. 

“I can’t do this,” Eddie said pacing. 

Buck went from a state of bliss to dread so fast he got whiplash. He reached out and grabbed Eddie’s undershirt. He cleaned his face and then his chest in petty revenge. Eddie should have thought of this before anything happened. He couldn’t handle this. 

“I’m going to have to tell my family, our friends. And the hate... the looks... I don’t-“ 

“Stop!” Buck said grabbing his pants and putting them on, “Just stop.” 

“Buck,” he said, as if realizing he was still there. 

“You don’t have to tell them anything. You don’t have to deal with anything. This didn’t happen. We didn't happen. Just forget I came over,” Buck said pulling his shirt over his head.

“I don’t want that,” Eddie said, contradicting himself. 

“Sounds like you do. Call me when your internalized homophobia takes a hike,” Buck said which was less dramatic then he would have liked. He couldn’t find either of his shoes which delayed him slamming the door and storming out. Instead he was walking around the dimly-lit living room staring at the ground. 

“Buck, please. I’m just overwhelmed. I had no idea it would be like that,” Eddie said crossing his arms, “it was just so….”

When Eddie couldn’t finish his sentence Buck did it for him. 

“Gross. Weird. Unnatural,” he snapped, picking up one of his forsaken shoes and shoving it on his foot. 

“Perfect,” Eddie finished. 

Buck stood lopsided with one shoe on and had no idea what was going on with his life. 

“And I’m realizing what that means. What it’ll mean to be with you. But it’s worth it. You’re worth it, Buck,” Eddie said coming closer. 

Buck was stuck in place. Eddie was still gloriously naked and having an emotional crisis. After a week of emotional turmoil he was just done. 

“Didn’t sound like that a second ago.”

“I’m sorry, Buck. It’s been a lot in a short amount of time. I’m not good with… complicated,” Eddie explained. 

“It’s not complicated. I love you. If you want to date then we’ll date. If you don’t then we’ll be best friends. If you can’t deal with being around me I’ll give you space. Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you no matter what,” Buck said too drained to argue. 

“You mean that, don’t you?”

“Every word,” Buck said, feeling unbelievably tired. 

Eddie cupped his face and Buck wanted to give in. His heart ached at this point. He felt like he’d been torn in two and put back together multiple times tonight.

“But you have to figure your shit out. I can’t take this. It’s not fair…” Buck said knowing it was a lot to ask. 

“You said you love me…”

Buck sighed. Eddie was on thin ice. 

“Yes. I do. That comes in whatever shape you want it.” 

“My own father never told me that. Shannon took two years..”

“Surprise. I’m not either of those people.”

“No. You’re my Buck,” Eddie said finally, “and I love you too.” 

Buck fell forward and wrapped his arms around Eddie. He had no idea how intense it would be to hear that. How much he’d been waiting for it. Despite all his denial it was all he needed to make his life complete. 

“So, boyfriends?” Buck muttered into his neck.

“Yeah, boyfriend,” he said, rubbing the back of Buck's head. 

“Rule number one, you have to talk to me. I never want to have a conversation like this again,” Buck said letting him go. 

“I’ll try,” Eddie said and Buck believed he would. He also knew Eddie was emotionally constipated and this might happen again. 

The bubble they had been floating in was popped as a car pulled into the driveway. A quick peak towards the window showed Carla’s car. 

“Christopher!” Eddie said, suddenly realizing he was still naked. Buck tried not to laugh. 

“I’ll delay them,” Buck said going to the door and pausing, “Wait. Am I presentable?” Buck waved a hand at his own face. 

Eddie was about to brush him off when he seemed to remember. Eddie came over and looked Buck up and down. 

“Good to go. Give me five,” he said, planting an uneasy kiss on Buck’s lips. It was a start. 

Buck walked out the door and closed it behind him. Christopher was coming up the walkway and lit up when he saw Buck. 

“Hey, big guy,” Buck said, getting down on one knee. Christopher ran as best he could to him and hugged him tight. It had only been a week, but Buck had missed him so much. It seemed Christopher had missed him, too, and he held on. 

“How was the party?” Buck asked, still mid-embrace. 

“Someone wasn’t having a great time so we decided to go home a bit early. But it seems he’s in a better mood now,” Carla said, “and I gotta get back.” 

“I’ve got him. Thank you,” Buck said with a smile. He let go and straightened up. They both waved as Carla drove away. 

“Hey Christopher. You know I love you, right?” Buck asked looking down at him. 

“I love you too, Buck,” Christopher said with all the ease his father lacked. Buck’s heart felt too big for his chest. 

“Hey, Buck?” 

“Yea?”

“Why are you only wearing one shoe?” Christopher asked.

Buck stared down at his bare foot. It made the moments before this one real. 

“I couldn’t find the other one. Want to help me look?” Buck asked. 

“Sure,” Christopher said, leading him inside where Eddie was waiting for them fully dressed. Eddie smiled at them both in turn. 

Buck was home. It was messy and new, but he felt like he belonged right here. There was nowhere else he’d ever want to be.


End file.
